California
by FreakEmoWriter17
Summary: A month after season two. Jude's personal life isn't looking so good, and she's feeling more alone than ever. Will Jude be able to help herself when the epitome of secrets becomes unveiled?
1. Chapter 1

Jude walked into G Major with her head hung low and her eyes on the floor. She had every reason to be depressed, her producer was missing and instead of giving Jude the image she had wanted, Darius decided that the pictures of her drunk would actually make an even more 'bad girl' image for her.

_They say bad things come in threes...where's the third one?_

Jude walked into the studio with her guitar and journal in hand, and after carelessly tossing the journal on the table and leaning her guitar on the couch, Jude collapsed back first on the couch, causing Kwest to turn around and eye her.

"What's up super star? Get anything written last night?" Kwest asked turning his swivel chair around to face her.

Truth was, getting her music back wasn't as easy as Jamie had made it seem. Facing the music was hardly the solution to getting out of this clouded funk that surrounded Jude now that Tommy was gone. Jude nodded a no and looked up at the ceiling, making her hands into a gun and making a shooting sound. Kwest raised an eyebrow in confusion and then Jude looked at him finally for the first time that day.

"I'm bored, blocked, and just, not doing so well. It seems like all the people I trust right now, aren't exactly available. Mason's out on his first tour, Tommy abandoned me, but what else is new there? Kat is still giving me the cold shoulder the size of an iceberg, and Jamie is too busy with Patsy being Jatsy. And now that you and Sadie are just hitting things off, I'm alone," Jude said turning her head back towards the ceiling, she really didn't want her new producer and good friend to see her like this.

Kwest walked over towards Jude and looked down at her in a brotherly way. He held her chin in his hand and turned her towards him so she could take in every word he said.

"Just because me and Sadie are together now, doesn't mean I'm not still here for you. Sadie knows that things will be the same way with Tommy, except without Tommy's cocky attitude and habit of playing games. Tommy's got some stuff to deal with right now, like I said, I knew his past was comin' to bite him in the ass sooner or later. Kat will come around eventually, and Jamie does miss you, too. But just like you, he's trying to make his name in the business also," Kwest explained.

"You're right, but how come I feel like I'm about to get the biggest shocker of my life any minute now? Like, there's something big going on that I don't know about," Jude said, her eyes growing small as her thoughts became deeper.

"I don't know, girl. But all I know, is you need a day off, especially with all this pressure from Darius and the press, so go home, get some rest, and maybe try and sleep off this funk," Kwest said as Jude nodded, grabbed her stuff, and was out of the studio.

It had only been a month since her release party, Tommy's abandonment, and her drunken demise. It seemed as if everything Jude had ever known was being taken away from her just like a rug beneath her feet. But that was the least of her worries when she arrived home one day only to find her dad sitting at the coffee table, his hand against his mouth and a large orange envelope on the table, addressed to Jude.

"Hey Jude, you're home early," Stuart said, his voice slightly strained and worry written all over his eyes.

"Yeah, Kwest gave me the day off. What's up? You look like you could have used a day off, too," Jude replied until she saw the envelope. "Is that for me?"

"Yeah Jude, before you-"

"California? Who do I know in California?" Jude said as she studied the envelope that was now in her hands as she carefully ripped open the top and pulled out what looked like the contents of a will.

"Jude, there's something your mother and I have been meaning to tell you. But with you winning the contest and then the divorce, we just haven't found a way to break it to you," Stuart said before Jude interrupted him again.

"What is this? This person obviously has the wrong Jude Harrison," Jude said reading the will again.

"Jude, listen to me ok? Your mother and I have been meaning to tell you, but so much has been going on that we haven't found the chance," Stuart said grabbing the papers out of Jude's hands and placing them on the table.

"What? I'm listening," Jude said supporting herself by holding on to the back of one of the kitchen table chairs.

"You better sit down," Stuart said nodding towards a chair which had only made Jude grow more nervous.

"No, Dad. Just go on and tell me already," Jude said looking at her dad with worried eyes.

"I don't know where to start. Look, Jude. You're adopted," Stuart said as his voice started to crack a little at the end of his sentence.

Jude literally froze in her place as she began to listen to his words more carefully. _I'm...adopted?_ Jude kept her eyes on her dad, and then brought them down towards the ground as her hands began to shake and she began to lose her balance. She brought herself to sit in the chair as she looked silently down at the papers before her. _Dara Farrows...was my mother?_ Jude noticed that many of the possessions listed were instruments, or had something to do with music as she continued to stare and read the will over again. _That explains my musical talent then._

"Jude, you have to understand that your mother and I had really wanted to tell you. But, we just couldn't find the right time to tell you. I mean, so much had happened, you won the contest, and then you were barely home after that happened, and then there was the divorce, and then the tour. So much had happened that there was really no time to tell you, not only that, but your mother left without another word to anyone, leaving me to handle all of this on my own. And now that we got the news that your birth mother had passed away, and she left all of her possessions to you, I realized that I couldn't keep putting this off forever," Stuart admitted, he had shame in his eyes and couldn't even bare to look at Jude, in fear of how she would react.

Jude was silent for a moment, and then put the papers back down, and just looked ahead out the kitchen door. "So after Mom left you were just planning on never telling me? What kind of father are you? Biological or not?"

"I'm sorry, I told you I meant to, but so much stuff got in the way," Stuart repeated.

"Regardless! You still should have told me sooner! I just, I have to go," Jude said grabbing her journal and guitar and heading towards her Mustang, not looking back.

Jude drove aimlessly and found herself at the rehearsal space, her current sanctuary. When Jude walked in, she saw so many memories. Spiederman showing her the place, recording 'Not Standing Alone', and all the times she had just walked in and started jamming away whatever was her new inspiration. Jude sat down on the couch, trying so hard not to cry. She hadn't let anything that had been eating away at her wall of strength break her down. She hadn't cried since that morning Jamie found her and took her home. But before she knew it, her wall shattered before her, and she sat unprotected on the couch of her rehearsal space, bare, raw and a mess.

_Well, there's the third..._

When Jude arrived home that night, Sadie was sitting on the living room couch, her eyes on the screen until she heard the door open and close, and she saw her little sister walk in. Jude looked at her and then proceeded to walk up the stairs, until Sadie followed her and grabbed her arm.

"Sadie, let go," Jude said softly, her voice barely audible.

"Jude, talk to me. Some pretty shitty things have been going on lately, and this has got to be number one," Sadie said as she followed Jude into her room.

"Did you know this whole time?" Jude asked as she opened her closet and grabbed her duffel bag and suit case and placed them on her bed.

"No, no I didn't. And nonetheless, I don't care, it doesn't change the fact that my dad is your dad and my mom is your mom. They've been there for you maybe not since day one, but since you were a month old. Mom isn't here now, but Dad still is. And he's worried," Sadie remarked.

"That's not the point, what do you think it's been like for me first finding out my first album sucks, our parents are still fighting when the marriage is over, Mom ditching us for some creepy guy named Don, almost losing our house, I lost almost all of my money, Tommy leaving and taking my music with him, being known as the 'Drunk Instant Star', and to top it all off, I'm adopted just finding out because my birth mother died and gave me everything!" Jude explained throwing some shirts in the suitcase and then just breaking down all over again.

"My past few months haven't been the easiest either Jude! But I'm not going around acting like a spoiled brat! You have so much Jude and you don't even realize it!" Sadie stated.

"You don't get it Sadie, you just don't get it. Everything I have ever known is practically nothing now! My dad, my so called father and best friend has been lying to me for 17 damn years! How would you like it if you found out that what you thought was your family is really not? I know, I know in reality I am part of the family, but how do you think I feel right now? Honestly Sadie, you have no clue what it's like bending and molding into everything everyone wants you to be, losing the one person who kept me grounded and sane while at G Major, only to find out that the one thing I had left that was barely intact, is shattered. You try being me for once and then call me a spoiled brat," Jude said zipping her bags and walking towards the stairs again, Sadie stopping her.

"Where are you going?" Sadie asked.

"Get out of my way Sadie," Jude said not looking at her at all.

"Where are you going!" Sadie yelled.

"California, to see my 'house'," Jude said pushing her way past Sadie and down to her car where she loaded her bags and closed the trunk, walking back inside only to grab some of her old song books, cd's, laptop, and a pillow and blanket.

"When will you be back?" Sadie asked, her eyes starting to tear up.

"I don't know Sadie, a few weeks, months, maybe even years," Jude said placing the stuff in her car.

"Years? Jude, you can't be-"

"I am serious. I need to do some thinking, I figured the drive down to California should give me enough time to get some thinking down, and then once I'm there I'll find the answers to all of my questions," Jude explained.

"What about G Major, and your contract?" Sadie asked.

"At this point, I really don't care. This past month has made me a millionare thanks to my record sales, my music is gone and I can't record without that. Maybe this trip will help me find it. Maybe G Major will accept me back if I return, if not, I could always find another studio, or join the real world and record on my own," Jude said opening her car door and going in.

"So that's it? You're leaving, just like this," Sadie said, more as a fact than a question.

"This is something I need to do on my own Sadie. I don't expect you to completely understand at all. I'll call you sometime, but right now, I need to do this. I'll see you later Sadie," Jude said as she started the car.

"Goodbye Jude," Sadie said as Jude drove off, leaving a tearfilled sister behind on the side walk watching as she disappeared into the night.

_So, I've decided that I really have too much going on in my life to deal with everyone at home. My career is on the line and it doesn't exactly help much that I can't write for my life right now. The one man I have ever loved and who has ever really understood me and known what I've wanted to say has abandoned me. My mother is off trapezing in Europe with creepy lawyer dude Don, and my sister had spent my whole bank account and only managing to return about half of it so far. It doesn't help now that I am known as a drunken 17 year old rock star, and oh yeah, I'm adopted. With all these different issues floating around at home, it's pretty self explanatory as to why instead of just buying a plane ticket and flying to California wasn't my first choice to facing who I really am. I need to figure out what I need to do now, who I am, what I want. I'm sort of using this long ass trip to the United States as a road to 'self discovery'. Everything I've ever known has been shot to pieces, and I have no idea what it is I think about most stuff now. What makes it worse, is the most dependable thing I've had all my life, my music, has disappeared from my existance, and it's going to take everything I have to find it and bring it back to me._

Jude stopped by a convenience store and bought some chips, coffee, cookies, and other random things she might need. She didn't know what it was exactly she was looking for, all she knew was that this trip just might have the answers to her questions, and that maybe it will help her find her music again. Jude paid for the items and returned to her car, revving the engine and then pulling back on to the high way and heading towards which ever state was the first one she landed in.

The closest thing Jude had to her own music was the music of others. Her music was her life, any music for that matter was her life, it was only an instinct to her that any sort of music provider was cherished like a holy item from God himself. Her ipod was connected to her 67 Mustang, playing on shuffle, and Jude could only find the car ride calm and soothing. She had been driving for a few hours on end already, it was now midnight, and Jude's eyes were beginning to close, and then she had seen the old inn on the side of the high way and decided she'd mind as well stay for the night.

Jude pulled into the small inn and parked her car at one of the few parking spaces, grabbing her necessities and walking inside the inn. The inn had looked very much like an old home turned inn, it had a few decent looking couches and TV in the lobby, and then there was a hallway with about five or six rooms and on the opposite side was a kitchen with a dining table that seated about 12. Jude nodded as she took a look around and walked over to the clerk.

"Can I have a room, please?" Jude said opening her wallet.

"Of course, how long do you plan on staying?" the clerk asked. He looked about 20 years of age, he wasn't horrible looking, but he wasn't wow either. He had a sort of young innocent naive look to him, but Jude hadn't really paid much attention to him.

"Just one night," Jude said, waiting for the clerk to tell her how much the cost would be.

"That would be 75 dollars, that's including breakfast tomorrow morning," the clerk said handing Jude the bill as she signed and handed the clerk the money. "Here's your key, please enjoy your stay at the Home Sweet Home Inn,"

Jude nodded and gave a weak smile as she went back to her car to grab her duffel bag. She locked her car and then entered the inn going straight to the room number her key had labeled on it. The room wasn't extravagant, it had a cozy looking bed, a TV, mini refrigerator, and bathroom. Jude set her bag down next to her bed and turned on the TV as she kicked her shoes off and started flipping through channels. There was nothing good on, besides more supposed 'sightings' of herself at bars getting drunk off her ass. Jude just scoffed at the TV and turned it back off, and finally going to bed.

The next morning at G Major, Sadie was in Darius's office having a private meeting with him about Jude.

"What do you mean she's gone? Do you have any idea how crucial it is for her to be here now that her album has just released a month ago!" Darius shouted, which everyone heard despite his door being closed.

"She had just found out she is adopted yesterday," Sadie said in a whisper looking Darius straight in his eyes.

Darius settled back into his office chair, he ran a hand over his face and sighed in frustration. How could one artist have so many horrible incidents happen in under a year? Darius just looked at Sadie and nodded to her towards a chair to sit down.

"This is what we're going to do, Sadie. Jude as of right now is on a temporary hiatus. I want a full press release scheduled saying she's taking a break from the spot light, her where abouts are unknown to all who are not family, and we are unsure when she will be back. That's all I want said, nothing more. If you hear from Jude, tell her that she's welcomed back here once she's figured everything out," Darius said with a hint of sadness.

"Thank you D, I'll be sure to have this out. And thank you for giving Jude this chance," Sadie said getting up to leave.

"Sadie, I'm only doing this because Jude has been at number one for the past month, and her sales are steadily growing still. Her sales are definitely benefiting G Major and we need to keep her. I understand that this is something that's going to take Jude some time to deal with and sort out," Darius explained.

"You sound like you know from past experience," Sadie remarked.

"That's because she wasn't the only one on G Major staff who was adopted and took it just as hard," Darius said cryptically as Sadie just raised an eyebrow and Darius dismissed her from his office.

Jude was up at around 9 the next morning sitting at the dining room table of the inn, eating french toast, eggs, sausage, and bacon. The clerk who was working at the front desk the night before came and took a seat across from her with a warm smile on his face. Jude finished chewing and smiled at him, still being quiet and reserved to herself.

"You're Jude Harrison, right?" he asked, trying to be polite.

"Um, yeah. It's nice to meet you, um-"

"Will. Will Travis," Will said holding his hand out for Jude to shake. Jude shook his hand and returned the warm smile as she went back to her breakfast.

"So what are you doing way out here near the border of Canada and the US? Shouldn't you be out there partying and celebrating what ever it is you rock stars celebrate these days?" Will asked.

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not much of a partier. I prefer quiet nights at home just hanging out with friends than drinking and getting drunk off my ass," Jude said with a hint of meanness in her voice, which wasn't directed at Will, and that didn't slip past him.

"A picture's worth a thousand words, and you've got several," Will remarked.

"You don't know the story behind it. So could you please just, lay off the twenty questions here," Jude said going back to her breakfast.

"Sorry, it's just, the only thing anyone knows of you is what we see in the tabloids and hear in your music. It's clearly two different stories," Will said, looking Jude straight in her eyes.

"Well, nothing gets passed you. Look, those pictures were blackmail and my manager thought it'd improve my 'bad girl' image. That drinking incident was a one time thing from a night that I really would prefer to forget. If people want to know who I am, listen to my music and stay far away from the tabloids and magazines," Jude said taking a bite out of her bacon and then a sip out of her coffee.

"Alright, point taken. But you never did answer my question," Will stated.

"What was it again? Sorry, I kind of get carried away," Jude said

"What are you doing out here in the middle of no where by yourself?" Will asked.

"Just a little roadtrip. I needed a break, so I'm taking it now," Jude said, her eyes saying another story, but Will didn't catch that last bit and just nodded.

"So you're leaving again soon?" Will said as Jude finished her breakfast.

"Yep, I've got a long drive ahead for me," Jude said as she wiped the corners of her mouth and finished her coffee.

"Where are you headed?"

"California,"

"That's pretty far, why not just fly?"

"I asked myself that same question while driving, and I figured I could use the fresh air instead," Jude said with a simple smile. Jude checked out of the Inn and then looked back towards Will with a smile on her face. "It was nice to meet you Will, maybe I'll see you again,"

"Maybe you will," he said as they shook hands and Jude was once again on the road towards to California.l

_Lately, I can't help but think that these journalists who write for the tabloids are writing my life, the life that my fans can't help but believe. The life that I never wanted, the life that I am completely against. I've been wanting to correct them too. I've always imagined myself barging in to their 24/7 working offices and smash their computers, demanding them to start writing what I want to be said about my life, and not their versions of it. But right now, all that matters is me turning back the pages of time, or that's what it feels like I'm doing, and finding out the real story as to why and how I ended up in Canada, when I'm a natural born Californian, ironically._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I love you all and welcome to chapter two of California. I hope people are wondering what I have in store for Jude, which I am still slightly trying to figure out since this is a more 'Jude' centered story. But yeah, please read and review and tell me what you really think!**

* * *

Kwest was sitting in studio A, currently on his break, thinking about everything that's been going on. Sadie wouldn't let him know why Jude had left so suddenly, just that she did, and she had no idea when she would be back. Worrying about Jude was just the tip of the iceberg for Kwest. He was scared beyond all reasoning for her, Kwest almost felt like he was the only person Jude had left to talk to, and now that she was God knows where, there was no way for him to find her. 

At that thought, Kwest's phone began to ring, and he immediately recognized the number, "Why isn't it the ghost from a month ago,"

"Look, I'm sorry that I didn't say goodbye to anyone, but look Kwest, I have a ton of shit going on right now that I need to deal with. I just called to see how everyone's doing," Tommy said on the other line. He was sitting on the back porch of his mother's old estate. Kwest filled him in on everyone's story, but he never did mention Jude.

"And Jude? How is she?" Tommy asked, concern filling his voice from noticing Jude wasn't mentioned at all.

"I don't know how to tell you this Tommy, but she's disappeared," Kwest said sighing into the phone.

"What do you mean disappeared? What happened? Is she ok? Where is-"

"Tommy, nobody knows what happened. Sadie isn't saying a damn word and neither is Darius, all we know is what he's saying in this press release, something about her taking a temporary hiatus for we don't know how long, and we don't know if she's coming back. All we know, is that she's not here, and won't be back any time soon," Kwest said telling him all the information he knew.

"Do you think, do you think it was because of me leaving?" Tommy asked, almost scared at his response.

"At this point Tommy, anything could have triggered her leaving. But Sadie said something happened yesterday, and she left later that night. That's all Sadie has told me," Kwest added.

"Thanks Kwest, I'll call again tomorrow," Tommy said hanging up the phone as he stared out into the Montana sunset.

_Jude, what the hell is going on now? I can't help but worry about you every second I'm not dealing with my own issues. God Jude, just be careful wherever it is you are..._

Jude continued to drive, listening to Craig David's version of 'Come Together' for his part of a tribute to John Lennon. Jude hummed along with the song as she drove along the high way enjoying the fresh air that her lowered windows brought in, and the quiet tranquility of the isolated highway. She wasn't feeling at peace with herself enough to say she was, but she had felt better than she had in a while.

_What I realized during these long ass hours of driving to California, is that one, quiet is good. As much as I love loud rocking guitar riffs and the heavy pounding of those drums, and that deep bass line, the quiet sounds of the isolated outside world is just pure amazement. As I watch these tall trees pass by while I drive 60km ((_that's about 70/80 mph right? lmao))_ is that I've always taken all this stuff for granted since I'm such a city girl. Don't get me wrong, I'm nothing like Sadie, but there is no way I would be able to live without toasted pop tarts or hot pockets. But being out here, with just my music going, the fresh air circulating around me, and nothing bothering me has got to be the epitome of contentment from this past month._

Jude's thoughts were interrupted when her phone began to ring. She grabbed her phone which was on the dashboard of her car and quickly glanced at the caller ID. Jude took in a huge breath, and then finally brought the phone to her ear.

"Hi D. How is everything?" Jude said with a sugarcoated tone.

"Financially, never better. Work wise for G Major, decent. Your job, heh, well you better thank God your album sales are still growing or else you would be out of a label," Darius said sitting in his office.

"I'm assuming Sadie told you everything," Jude said stopping at the intersection she found herself at.

"She told me that you found out about how you're adopted, and how you've decided you're going to need an indefinite amount of time to figure things out," Darius said. Jude was starting to grow confused as to how father like Darius was acting.

"I'm sorry, that I can't be sorry about leaving D. I don't expect you to-"

"Understand? I do thought Jude. This isn't the first time I've dealt with adoption issues with an artist. Don't worry about your job or the press. I've put out a press release saying that you've taken a temporary hiatus, that your family only knows where you are, and that we are unsure when you will be back," Darius added.

"If I'm-"

"You're coming back if you can fight it or not. Because I know music is part of who you are, and creating it is the only moment of your life when you're truly happy. You'll be back, so don't sweat your place at G Major. Just focus on getting out of this funk, and you'll be fine," Darius explained.

"Thanks D. I knew underneath all that hip hop music mogul jazz you were a softie at heart," Jude said with a laugh as Darius chuckled on the other line.

"Yeah, if word gets out then you will have to worry about your place at G Major then," The two chuckled softly at this and wished each other the best of luck. Jude hung up the phone, feeling strangely ok with her situation with Darius now.

Sadie stood at the other end of the office just as Darius had gotten off the phone with Jude. Darius looked up at her and gestured her to take a seat. Sadie did so and then looked at Darius expectantly.

"Jude's going to be ok. She needs time and space right now. She will call when she feels the time is right, and she'll be back when she's got everything in that fake blonde head of her's figured out," Darius said with confidence.

"How are you so sure?" Sadie asked, obviously shaken up about her little sister still.

"She's Jude. As much as she's put this company through, she's always kept her promise and made up for her mistakes. She's pulled through every card that the industry and I have dealt her. She'll pull through this," Darius added with a father like smile.

"Thank you Darius, for everything,"

"Like I once told Jude, 'You take care of the coach, the coach take care of you,"

Sadie left Darius office and went back to her desk where she had found a note sitting on the daily planner. Sadie looked at it suspiciously then decided to just go ahead and open the damn thing.

_Hey Sades,_

_Wanna have lunch with me today at 12? I know there's a lot of stuff going on right now, and I really think we both, you especially, need a break from the studio. _

_Love you,_

_Kwest_

Sadie smiled softly to herself and then placed the note in her purse. She saw Kwest leaning against a door frame to one of the many studios, and she nodded yes. He smiled back at her and then returned to his work, as Sadie returned to her own.

Jude stopped at a local diner and decided it was time for her to put something in her stomach. She grabbed her wallet and ipod and walked proceeded to walk into the diner, noticing it was practically empty with the exception of a young man reading the newspaper in the corner and an elderly man sipping on his coffee in the other corner. Jude walked up to the bar and sat down, grabbing a menu and flipping through it.

"Good Day miss, what can I get you today?" asked the young waitress with her blue apron, white tee shirt, notepad and pen and name tag that said 'Kate'.

"Um, I'm not exactly sure. What do you recommend?" Jude asked lowering the menu.

"Well, honestly, I'd have to say, since it's just about noon now, I'd go with the filet sandwich with french fries. It's not exactly healthy, but you won't find it dipped in grease like all those fast food restaurants. And may I also recommend our strawberry lemonade?" the waitress replied.

"That actually sounds great, I'll have that, and thank you," Jude said handing the waitress her menu and then sitting back in the bar stool.

"I hope not to bother you, but we don't get many customers around this time and I get awfully bored," the waitress said leaning against the other side of the counter.

"I don't mind at all. You seem like a nice person," Jude commented taking one of her earbuds out and loweing the volume on her ipod.

"Wow, you have an ipod? I've been wanting one of these for a while now. But with paying college tuition and dorm finances, I barely have enough to afford food," the waitress added, "Oh, I didn't catch your name,"

"I'm Jude, and you are?"

"Kate, Kate Stuart," she said pointing to her name tag.

"Oh, so you're already in college? What's your major?" Jude asked.

"Psychology. I plan on becoming a counselor for troubled teens. What about you? What are you up to?"

"Oh well, I'm really into music and I'm sort of on a vacation," Jude replied.

"That's cool, so you are in? College? High school?"

"High school. I'm a junior,"

"You're only in high school and you're here alone?"

"It's a complicated story. Really long, and I'm not really in the mood to explain it all," Jude said, and almost let out a sigh of relief when she heard the cook ring the bell and Kate was already off grabbing the hot plate with the delicious looking sandwich.

"There you go, enjoy your lunch," Kate said going over to the refridgerator where she pulled out a pitcher of strawberry lemonade and refilled her cup. "Don't worry, I made this pitcher just this morning," Jude grinned as she took another bite out of the amazing tasting sandwich.

"This sandwich, my god, I haven't tasted anything so good before," Jude said inbetween bites, quickly finishing the sandwich and moving on to the french fries.

"I know, it's a family recipe of this restaurant. So is this your stop or are you traveling else where?" Kate asked.

"Else where, heading to California," Jude replied taking a sip out of her lemonade.

"California? That's quite a distance from here," Kate remarked.

"Yeah, it is," Jude said finishing up her french fries.

"I don't mean to psycho-analyze you, but I'm assuming this 'little' trip to California isn't exactly what you'd call a vacation," Kate mentioned cryptically. "Now, how about I make a little bet with you. If I guess your intentions right, you buy me lunch. If I guess wrong, your lunch is on the house," Jude just shrugged and decided sure why not. "I'm thinking more or less, there's something you haven't exactly dealt with, and this is your way of figuring it out. Maybe it's not just one thing, it could be a series of things. But my little hunch is telling me this has been building up for a while, and just recently something triggered this whole charade,"

Jude stared at her wide eyed, glass barely tilted towards her mouth, and mouth open. Jude quickly drank a gulp of her lemonade, and then reached into her pocket and pulled out a ten dollar bill.

"Have a good lunch," Jude said sarcastically with a little laugh.

"Oh, I will. So, you don't have to go into detail, but this thing. Was it huge, as in relationship this could be the end of the life I want to spend with my true love type of shit, or just big life changing shit?"

"I'd say ginormous life changing shit," Jude said taking another sip of her lemonade.

"Mhmm, so, in the past hour, I managed to learn that you're name is Jude, you're a junior in high school, you aren't from around here, and you're headed to California of all places because of some 'ginormous life changing shit' type of thing that happened recently. I'd say I did pretty good for an hour, am I right?" Kate asked in mock conceited glory.

"Heh, yeah you did good. If it makes your ego any bigger, I don't usually open up to strangers, so kudos," Jude said raising her glass and taking another drink out of it. "God, I'm so going to miss this lemonade when I have to leave. Is there any chance I could just take you with me on my little journey to continuously make me this lemonade?" Jude asked sarcastically.

"Ha, you wish. I'd love to go with you, but I got my job here and I can't exactly just up and leave my dorm for an indefinite amount of time," Kate rebutted jokingly.

"Yeah, yeah. But this is a good excuse. It's for Jude Harrison and it's you making the world's greatest strawberry lemonade," Jude said, immediately regretting announcing who she was.

"You're Jude Harrison? As in Canada's first ever Instant Star now known to be the daily party, Jude Harrison?" Kate asked astonished.

"Thanks to my surprising and ever changing manager Darius Mills, that last part is true to all people who don't know me," Jude said.

"So, the stories of you drunk aren't true?" Kate asked.

"Of course not. I'm 17, there was only two times where I had gotten drunk. Once because I was feeling rebellious and out with Patsy Sewer, and then the second was...yeah, just not a good night," Jude said trying to cover it up.

"Mhmm, I see. But wow, I can't believe I've been talking with Jude Harrison for the past what? Hour and a half? And I didn't even know it," Kate said taking off her apron and then walking around the counter to sit down on the barstool next to Jude's.

"Yeah, well. That goes to show how much of the real me everyone sees," Jude said finishing her glass of lemonade.

"Ah, well, it doesn't matter, I happen to know for a fact now that the Jude Harrison that everyone needs to know is the one in her music and not the one in the tabloids. I don't really believe those things anyway, I read them because, no offense, the out of this world articles about celebrities like you are kind of amusing," Kate said with a light chuckle as Jude just smiled.

"I'll admit that those were a guilty pleasure of mine too before I got into the industry. But anyways, I really should get going, I've got a long way to go before I get to California," Jude said handing Kate a twenty. "The change is your tip,"

"Wait, before you go," Kate pulled out Jude's newest cd "The Learning Curve", "For the hell of it, can I get your autograph?"

Jude smiled softly and then grabbed the pen Kate was holding out, pulled the cd jacket out, and on the notes page signed the cover.

_Kate,_

_Thanks for the great suggestion of food to eat at the small diner. I am definitely going to come back and eat here again. Thanks for the 'psycho analysis' I'd have to say that you're going to be a great therapist some day. Haha, I'm starting to sound older than you! Maybe I'll see you again some time._

_Yours truly,_

_Jude Harrison_

Jude slid the cd jacket back into the case and handed it to Kate. "I left my email address in there too, email if you'd like, I could use someone to talk to. I'll see you around,"

And with that, Jude walked out of the diner and into her 67 Mustang and drove down the road and back onto the high way towards New York.

Sadie and Kwest were sitting at a cafe sipping their coffee as they waited for their food to arrive. Sadie was shockingly quiet and Kwest was growing worried at their lack of conversation for the first time in a while. Kwest noticed Sadie would constantly check her cell phone, knowing she was searching for maybe a missed call or text message from Jude.

"She's going to be fine Sades. You heard D yourself, she's ok. Wherever she's at, she's healthy and in one piece," Kwest said holding on to Sadie's hand comfortingly.

"I'm worried Kwest. Jude's out there all alone, driving to California, and I'm not out there protecting her from what is out there. I used to beat up bullies at the play ground for her and even though we never did really get along, I'd watch over her to make sure nothing was happening to her. I can't do that because she's not here," Sadie said sadly, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"Shh, Sadie, Jude needs this. You saw how bad she was getting within the past month. She needs sometime to herself right now. I'm worried about her, too. She's like a little sister to me, if you weren't around and something went wrong, I was her last resort. But D managed to get a hold of her, and she reassured him she is ok," Kwest said wiping Sadie's tear away as the waiter brought their food to them.

"Thanks Kwest, you're the only guy who knows how to make me feel better right now," Sadie said with a soft smile as she started to eat her house salad, as Kwest smiled at her.

"What can I say? It's god's gift to me," Kwest said with a light chuckle as Sadie cracked a full smile for the first time in the past two days.

_Have you ever noticed how strange it is that it's so much easier to talk to people you don't even know, than the people you've known your whole life? I mean, I just spent almost two hours explaining to a college waitress a summarized version of why I'm driving all the way to California. Is that insane or what? Maybe it's because, strangers, they can't judge you. They don't know you, they don't know what happened in your past, they just know what you tell them. So they have no idea but to base who you are off of what they've learned in the last few moments. You can't exactly disappoint them, because they don't have any expectations of you. I think I've suddenly found a new respect for shrinks. I think they actually mean they can't judge you when they say they aren't there to judge you. Because if you think about it, all they know is the text in the file they were givent to read before they met you, they don't know anyone's side, just the cold hard facts. Isn't it part of their job to try and understand what it's like to be in the patient's shoes? To try and feel the way the patient does in order to find out ways to help them? If so, they can't exactly figure that out by the 'cold hard facts' right? They have to know what was there BEFORE the cold hard facts happened. So, if you think hard enough on it, reading the file is basically completely useless. Because when it comes to that one on one hour with each other, you're back at square one, trying to get some sort of emotions out of the patient. Wow, I sure did go off on a tangent about psychology and stuff. I think my head is about to explode from all this thinking, that's it, Kate has officially drawn me over to overthinking stuff. I'll have to yell at her in all caps in an email if she ever emails me._


	3. Chapter 3

Tommy was in his old room at his mother's Montana estate, sleeping in his full sized bed that he used to sleep in when he was a kid. He wasn't able to sleep. The fact of being back in Montana, the amount of pain that was spread through everyone, including himself when he was forced to leave...it was just too much. He was facing the window when he heard his bedroom door squeak open, and there stood the little three year old girl he had first ever heard about a month ago. Tommy flipped to his other side and looked at her softly.

"Couldn't sleep either could you?" Tommy assumed. The little girl was dressed in one of those one piece pink pajamas, her small teddy bear tucked under her arm and her thumb in her mouth. She simply nodded no, and Tommy opened the blanket up for her to come and sleep next to him. The little girl rushed forward and curled into a small ball, tightly hugging her teddy bear. Tommy nodded an ok and went back to staring out the window.

_Mom, please just...tell me what I'm supposed to do. I need your help on what I'm supposed to do with this little girl._

:flash back to Tommy and the old bald man during Jude's performance:

"You need to come with me!" said the man.

"I don't 'need' to do anything, the only thing I need is to be here watching my artist debut a song from her sophomore album," Tommy rebutted looking away from the man.

"She's dead," the man uttered.

"Who's dead?" Tommy said still watching Jude.

"Your mother," the man added. Tommy froze and looked at the bald man, anger immediately racing through his body.

"What do you mean she's dead? I paid for all she needed 5 years ago when they discovered the cancer! They said she went into remission and there was a very slim chance of it coming back!" Tommy yelled at the man.

"They overlooked an even graver problem Thomas. They didn't see the tumor in her brain. I'm sorry. You need to come with me," the man said, and Tommy finally giving in and following the man out of the mall and to his black car.

:end of flashback:

Tommy looked back at the little girl soundly sleeping on the left side of his bed. He still had no idea what he was supposed to do with her. Well, that was a lie, he did know what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to take care of her. The only problem of the matter was, he had no clue how. Tommy rubbed his hands against his eyes, and finally found himself able to go to sleep.

The next morning, Jude found herself just entering Pittsburgh, Penn. She had been driving for only a few hours. Jude had decided she'd stay the night in New York, do a little sight seeing before she made her next stop to Pittsburgh. Hell, she mind as well make something of this long trip she was on. Jude stopped at a gas station and decided to go inside and grab something to eat before she was off again. The whole time she had kept her ipod in her ears. The current song, track number sixteen out of 4,894 songs on shuffle was 'Blurry' by Puddle of Mudd. Jude sat in her car for a little deciding to finally pull out that envelope that contained her birth mother's will since she had left. Which had been only one full entire day before, plus a few random hours.

Inside was a list of items that her birth mother claimed as important keepsakes, a box of journals and song books left for Jude to read through if she'd like, an old spanish guitar given to her birth mother on her graduation day, an old quilt from when Jude was born, and 6 photo albums, one being from the one month she had spent with Jude when Jude was first born. Jude looked through the papers again, even though there was no chance of Jude ever meeting her mother, she would respect her wishes and keep these items safe with her for the rest of her life.

_I really wonder what my mother was like. If she was loud and compassionate like me, or if she was a more reserved person. I guess I will never know. Another thing I wonder, if she knew I am 'Jude Harrison'. That sounds so weird I know, but I mean, isn't there that thing called a 'mother's instinct'? You know, where a mom just KNOWS who their kid is? I can't say I've dealt with the fact that 'Mom' and 'Dad' aren't the one's who created me, it's hard. Growing believing that my genes and looks came from them, but then one day, one horrible day really, going home and finding out they're not, and that my real mother has passed away before I even found out. It says here she had passed away only two days before I received 'the envelope'. That's how I'm going to refer to that...well those papers as. 'The envelope'. It's weird calling it what it really is. It just means that, well, I don't know what it means. I can't say it means she's really gone, I know she is, that I can deal with just fine. I never even knew who she was, so that's easy to accept. I just, I have a lot more stuff to figure out before I know the answers to anything. This whole thing is like, it's just confusing. I feel almost like, I'm turning back the hands of time, to find out who I am, and where I came from. Well I know I am Jude Harrison, and now that I came from Long Beach, California. But, what am I? Am I German? Dutch? Well obviously I'm American, but now with a Canadian accent? God, there's just so much stuff I need to figure out._

Jude pulled out of the gas station and started her drive from Pennsylvania to Ohio. About half an hour into her drive, she felt her phone starting to vibrate, and she saw who it was that was calling her. Jude relunctantly answered the phone, preparing herself for what ever was headed for her ear drum.

"Hello?" Jude said, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding her phone.

"Hi Jude, how is everything?" Sadie asked biting her lip.

"Gosh Sadie, you make it sound like I've been gone for months. It's only been a day plus a few hours," Jude said watching the road, making sure there was nothing in the way.

"Well, I've been worrying like crazy over here about you, Jude. The way you left, it felt like you were leaving without a thought!" Sadie exclaimed, feeling the tears springing to her eyes.

"Sadie, have you ever felt just, just the need to pack up your stuff and take off anywhere? This was my chance Sadie. Lately, I've just been feeling so trapped, caged, suffocated. I needed to get out, and even though the reasons for me leaving weren't good, this is what I really needed," Jude explained pulling over to the side of the road.

"I just, I wanted to make sure you were ok," Sadie said wiping her eyes.

"Sadie, I will come home. There are just some things I need to take care of by myself," Jude said pulling back on to the road.

"Can you promise me one thing Jude?"

"What?"

"That no matter what you find out, we'll always be sisters?" Sadie asked, hoping for the answer she really wanted and needed to hear.

"Sadie. There's nothing that can break us apart, ok? Just remember that. I got to go though, I've got a lot more driving to do, and I'm headed to Ohio now," Jude said, hearing Sadie's tone perk up at what she had said.

"Thanks Jude. And Ohio already? It's been one day and you've already past by New England?"

"Yeah well, once you see the Statue of Liberty everything else just seems a bit boring," Jude said as the two sisters laughed, said their byes and parted.

Jude continued to drive, her thoughts coming and going. There were trees and farms passing by and Jude admired the green, knowing that once she finally got on the west side of the country that it'd be more coastal pacific scenery.

_You know, I've also come to realize that I've taken advantage of all the grass and trees that I've grown up with. I mean, it's not exactly green and cool in the west coast, it's more pacific, beaches, sand, and really warm weather than what I'm used to. It's hard to believe that I'm adopted, ok, that's a lie, for some reason, it seems a lot easier to believe. Both my parents have clear blue eyes like Sadie, I have cloudy gray, blue green eyes. I'm pale white, and my parents and Sadie are a more natural tan white. I can sing and play guitar (self taught guitar playin' skills might I add) and no one in my family can hum in key. There were so many signs that I am adopted, but I guess I just chalked it up to being maybe the oddball of the family. I don't exactly feel bitter towards my dad anymore, I can kind of see where he's coming from with the whole 'not telling me' thing. But my mother is a whole nother story. She LEFT. She left my dad to deal with this whole issue on his own! That is so wrong on so many levels! But, the more I think about this whole thing, the better and more content I'm feeling about it. I'm starting to understand that even though Sadie, Dad and I aren't blood relatives, they've been there since I was welcomed into their family. I mean, they could have had the perfect little family, Sadie being their perfect daughter, and even if Mom and Dad aren't together anymore, it would have caused a lot less stress having only one daughter to think about. But they didn't want that, they had wanted another child. Another baby. They wanted me. What was so special about me when I was just a month old that made them want me? Ok, so I have one question for Mom and Dad, and a bazillion for whoever is there in California. Those are some pretty scale tipping odds._

Jude had just left Pittsburgh and listening to Avril Lavigne's 'I'm With You'. It was only about an hour into her three hour drive to Ohio, and the sun was beginning to set.

_6:34..._

The song was beginning to tap into her emotions. The emotions that she had been trying to get rid of since that night. That night Tommy had left. Jude hadn't allowed herself to show her emotions. Her excuse was the alcohol helped lock them away. Ever since that free hour with Kate, Jude had learned that bottling up your emotions, not good. But allowing them to have a never ending play date with your tear ducts aren't good either. Jude pulled her ipod from the empty passenger seat of her Mustang and set her ipod on track repeat.

_No more running. No more hiding, I'm dealing with this now._

Jude continued to drive, gripping her steering wheel, forcing herself to remember that night. The only thing that Jude was glad about was the road being empty and being able to leave her windows down and blare her music as loud as she had wanted. Before she knew it, she was singing along with the lyrics.

_"Theres nothing but the rain_

_No footsteps on the ground_

_I'm listening but theres no sound"_

Jude remembered the despair and pain in Tommy's eyes when she turned around and noticed he had finally walked in. She quickly squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop from tearing up. And then she remembered his bitter goodbye, his emotionless apology. Jude allowed a sob to escape when she ran out of the restaurant, hoping to catch up with him.

"_So you're leaving? Tommy?"_

The sounds of the car door opening and then being slammed shut rang through her ears as she remembered Tommy entering the black car.

"_Tommy? Tommy! Tommy! TOMMY!"_

Jude jerked the car to the side of the road as she sobbed in her hands. It had only been a month since Tommy had left, and yet it seemed like forever. Jude gripped the steering wheel once more, treating it as if it were her life, letting her fingers graze the leather. She took in deep breaths and exhaled slowly, getting herself under control. It was now about an hour and a half into the drive from Pennsylvania to Ohio, and completely black out. She was far away from any city, and there were no street lights anymore.

_They say you can see the stars when far away from town..._

Jude thought to herself as she put her car in park and turned off the engine. Jude grabbed her sweater and wrapped it around herself as she lied down on the hood of her car and looked up at the sky, seeing the millions of billions of stars in the pitch black sky.

_It's like...you're lost in all of them. All of the stars I mean...I had never seen so many stars in my life. And for once in my life, I felt so small and miniscule, a feeling I had been yearning to feel since I had won Instant Star. Ever since then, everything had been about me, my looks, my style, my career, and for once, I had wanted to feel like the smallest person on earth. I couldn't believe all the small specks of light that could fill one sky. _

Jude's eyes took long glances at each star, trying to memorize every single one of them for a moment, burning it like a branding in her mind's eye, just so she could never forget it. Jude then remembered she had brought her digital camera with her, and rushed into her car to get it. Jude settled herself back on her hood, aimed the camera at the sky, and when she thought the camera was still enough, she snapped the picture. Jude brought the picture back to her eyes and looked at it.

_Can barely see it, but you can see all the big ones..._

She breathed in a deep, lengthy breath, reveling in the feel of the fresh air and looked back up at the sky once more.

_I'm never going to forget the feel of this moment..._

Jude hopped off the hood of her car, and got back into the driver's seat, let her engine roar, and was back on the road.

_Another question of mine has been answered. Which one exactly? I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that the moment I just felt, that moment of real peace, will come in handy one day. As much as I would like to forget that night Tommy had left, I know it won't happen. Tommy is too important to me for that to happen. I don't want to say I'm in love with him, mainly because I don't understand what love is, I do know that there are these emotions in me that he makes me feel. Is it love? It could be, but he left too soon for me to find out. I want to hate him so badly for the way he left, I deserved an explanation for why he had left. But I will never get that explanation, hopefully in due time, I will get it, but later, right now I have more important things to focus on. _

"And you're sure?" Tommy asked holding the phone up to his ear.

"Well, she probably passed the Pennsylvania state line by now, but yeah, she's in the states," Kwest said drinking a cup of coffee.

"You don't think she-"

"She doesn't know T. Jude's in the states for her own reasons, reasons that I don't know. But Sadie did talk to her today and told me where she was and that she was ok, that's all I know," Kwest said.

"Is there any chance that you aren't telling me certain things in order to keep me from exploding?" Tommy asked.

"No, but there is a certain chance that I'm not telling you certain things in order to keep my ass on Sadie's good side. Plus, I'm dating her now, and I don't want to screw that up," Kwest added.

"Alright, point taken. I'll talk to you later, peace,"

"Peace,"

Sadie was sitting with Kwest on his couch in his home, just listening to some music and lying in each other's arms. Kwest was running his fingers through her blonde locks.

"Tommy and his daily Jude updates?" Sadie asked.

"Yep, obviously I don't have to say that I didn't tell him about Jude," Kwest added, with a soft smile.

"I only don't want you to tell him, because I think it'd be better for him to hear it from Jude," Sadie explained simply playing with his sweater that she was wearing.

"I know, I know," Kwest said planting a small kiss on her head. "But he's worried about her,"

"Then he shouldn't have left like that," Sadie quickly rebutted, and then settling herself down before she had gotten too wound up.

"Sadie-"

"I know, I know. He's got his own issues to sort out right now," Sadie finished for him. "So, since I am not exactly on Tommy's favorites list, how come you won't tell me what's going on with him?"

"Because it is simply just known of your business, you'll find out later anyways," Kwest added, wrapping his arms around her.

"Yeah, I know," Sadie murmurred before falling asleep in Kwest's comfortable arms.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING THIS LONG TO UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have absolutely no reason as to explain why I haven't updated when I had two chapters up for reading, I've just been swamped with school and family and all that. So to make it up, I'm posting both chapters and am gonna hopefully get another chapter up ASAP!!!

* * *

Tommy woke up Monday morning, noticing that the little girl was still asleep. They've been having a sort of rocky first month getting to know each other. The little girl still wasn't used to seeing Tommy everyday, and Tommy wasn't used to being any sort of family member, at least not anymore. Tommy cracked open the little girl's bedroom door slightly, she was cuddled up in her favorite blanket, hugging her teddy bear and sucking her thumb. Tommy couldn't help but smile at the image. He walked down stairs and into the kitchen. He put in a mix CD he had made a few weeks before and the first track was 'Banana Pancakes' by Jack Johnson. 

The smell of pancakes filled the house, and the little girl heard the soft sounds of the acoustic guitar. She unwrapped herself from her blanket and stretched a little bit before getting out. When she reached the foot of the stairs she could hear Tommy singing along with the song and doing silly dance moves. The little girl let out a small giggle, which caused Tommy to turn around and smile warmly at her.

"Why, good morning Alicia," Tommy said flipping one of the pancakes and placing it on the plate.

"Good morning," Alicia said standing still.

"You can go ahead and sit down, I'm making pancakes," Tommy took out her Disney Princesses plate and started placing two very small pancakes on it.

"Oh tay," she said hopping on one of the chairs. Tommy buttered her pancakes and poured some syrup on them before placing it on the table in front of her. When Tommy brought his pancakes with him to the table, Alicia decided it'd be time to start talking. "Did you...um...sing stuff?"

"You mean did I sing in Toronto?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah!" Alicia said with a wide smile.

"A long time ago I did. Before you were born," Tommy replied. "Orange juice?"

"Yes pease!" Alicia exclaimed. Tommy was surprised at how much she was already able to speak, he had a hard time talking to her a little, forgetting she was only three. "Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you really my brother?" Alicia asked.

"Yep,"

"Then how come...you didn't used to live here?" Alicia said, swallowing two pieces of pancake at once.

"I thought it was time for me to start a life of my own. Mommy had already taught me so many things and took care of me," Tommy added.

"Then how come you didn't come to visit?"

"I didn't have enough time," Tommy said sadly finishing his pancakes.

"Are you going to have enough...to take care of me?"

Tommy looked at her with loving eyes and rubbed Alicia's back in small circles. "Of course I am, you're stuck with me forever now kiddo, you aren't getting rid of me so fast,"

Alicia smiled back at him and continued to finish her pancakes.

Sadie was making herself a cup of coffee when she saw her father sitting at the kitchen table, the same solemn look on his face since he had told Jude the truth about who she was. Sadie sighed and took a seat on the empty chair next to her dad.

"Jude's ok, Dad," Sadie said rubbing her father's back in comforting circles.

"I hope she doesn't hate me. I should have told her sooner, your mother and I should have," Stuart said rubbing his eyes and then looking back down on the table.

"It's going to be ok, Jude is coming back. I'm not sure when, we just need to give Jude her space and her time right now," Sadie added.

"I just really wish your mother hadn't left. Me and her aren't exactly friends, I know, but she could have at least left after we both told Jude," Stuart mentioned.

"I think she deserves to know," Sadie said.

"Who?"

"Mom,"

"There's no way to get a hold of her Sadie,"

"Next time she calls. You should tell her that Jude knows now," Sadie stated.

"Yeah, I should. Next time she calls," and the phone started to ring.

Sadie looked at her father and got up to answer the phone. "Hello?"

"Sadie it's me, Jude," she said into her cell phone.

"Jude? Hey, how are things going?" Sadie asked.

"It's good, I'm at a small inn in Ohio now, right outside the city of Columbus, I'm just calling to give you guys an update," Jude was sitting at the table of the inn eating breakfast.

"That's good, are you liking the states?"

"Heh, it's no Europe," Jude remarked.

"Yeah, um, do you want to talk to Dad?" Sadie whispered into the phone.

"Yeah, is he there?" Jude hesitated a little but decided she should.

"Alright here he is," Sadie covered the phone and called Stuart over. He looked at Sadie surprised and then walked over and grabbed the phone. "Uh, um. Hello?"

"Dad, it's me," Jude said a little nervously.

"I know, Jude I'm-"

"I know, really sorry. It's ok, I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye to you when I left. But everything was just so-"

"You don't need to explain Jude. I know that usually the parent is supposed to be angry right now, but I'm just glad you are ok. I really wish you had taken someone with you," Stuart was tapping on the counter.

"I needed to do this alone Dad. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've just been so, un-me like, and I needed this," Jude said playing with her food.

"I have noticed pumpkin. I just didn't want this to happen,"

"I know, but it needed to. I needed to get out and think, everything was just getting to be too much and I couldn't be there anymore. Please try and understand Dad. I don't know when I'll be back, I still have a lot to find out once I get to California, so, in about a week or so I should have an idea of when I'll be back," Jude explained.

"Alright sweetie, be careful, and be safe on the road. Some Americans are known to be horrible drivers," Stuart said protectively.

"I know, I know. I love you Dad," Jude said.

"Love you too, bye,"

"Bye,".

Jude finished up her food and left enough for the check and walked out of the inn. The sky was cloudy and a little chilly out. She took in a deep breath, smelling the rain in the air, and then walked to her car and started on her route again. It only took about fifteen minutes until Jude was finally driving the streets of Columbus, Ohio. And she couldn't help but love the look of the downtown area.

Jude pulled over to another small Inn and checked in.

_There is no way I'm going to be driving for 3 days straight..._

Jude flopped onto the bed of the room she paid for, and drifted off into an hour's worth of sleep. When she did finally wake up, she decided to go look around downtown Columbus, Ohio instead of just driving right through it. Jude grabbed her messenger bag, cell phone, and wallet and was out the door.

_For once, I'm going to explore town the old fashioned way, walking. Ever since Dad and I got that Mustang working, I've been driving like there's no tomorrow, and right at this moment, walking sounds better than sitting on my ass again. And because I'm so stupid with short distances and can become easily lost, I'm only going to walk within the next couple blocks or else I'll never find my way back to that Inn._

Jude walked down the street and found herself at a small low key shopping center. It was filled with small shops with music, coffee, clothes, gifts, perfumes, everything. Jude walked into the first shop she saw, which was a clothing store. It was filled with original designs she had never seen before. The shirts looked more like sophisticated splattered paint canvases than actual designs. But there was one shirt that had caught her eye. It looked like it was papier mashay, and on the right sleeve was a newspaper picture of her performing. Jude let a grin slip and she pulled the shirt off the wrack and looked at it more. All over it were pictures of different newspaper clippings of different artists and bands. Jude hugged the shirt for a little and then walked up to the young woman working at the counter and put the shirt down.

"Hi, is this all for today?" the employee asked.

"Yeah, I saw that shirt and immediately thought I had to get it," Jude said as she took out her credit card and handed it to the woman. The woman looked at the name on the card and then at Jude, and then at the picture of her on the sleeve.

"Oh, I'm not getting it to be conceited or anything, it's more of a memento than something I'd actually wear. But don't get me wrong, I'd totally wear it if...and now I am rambling like an idiot," Jude proclaimed as she stopped herself before she gave the lady a head ache.

"Heh, it's alright really, I totally understand. I hope you enjoy your time here in Columbus," the worker said handing Jude her card and a bag with the shirt in it.

"Thanks, I hope so too," Jude said, but the woman stopped her before she started to walk out.

"Um, do you mind if I ask you for a favor?"

"Uh, what's the favor first?" Jude asked with a questioning glance.

The lady pulled out her shirt which was exactly like the one Jude had bought and laid it on the counter, "Do you mind signing it for me? I'm a big fan..."

"Yeah, no problem. You got a sharpie?" Jude asked leaning in towards the counter.

The woman nearly squealed as she handed Jude the sharpie. "What's your name?" Jude asked.

"Jenny," the employee said excitedly.

_Jenny,_

_It was nice to meet you in Columbus, I wish you the best with everything you do, and the shirt kicks ass,_

_xoxo_

_Jude Harrison :)_

"There ya go, bye," Jude said as she waved and walked out of the shop and on to the next. As Jude walked down the street and stopped in front of a vintage record shop. Inside were all sorts of records from the 50's, up until now. Jude bit her bottom lip, pushed the door open and walked inside. All over the walls were posters of different musical artists, and the ceiling was covered with old record covers.

"You from around here?" the young man asked walking towards Jude who was admiring the ceiling.

Jude looked around and then back in the direction of where she heard the voice. She gave a small grin and then began to speak. "Um, no actually. Just passing through."

"Well, what's a successful instant star doing here in the small unknown shopping center of downtown Columbus, Ohio?" he asked, Jude looked down then back at him, obviously not wanting to talk.

"Am I that recognizable?" Jude asked opening her arms out as to gesture at herself.

"Only to someone who lives off of the music scene. Are you up to answering my question?"

"Would being sick of answering that question wherever I go be an answer?" Jude rebutted with sarcasm.

"Ouch, so-called angry rock chick has got some bite," he responded feigning a pain in his chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jude asked growing slightly annoyed with the employee.

"It just means I'm not buying what you're putting out there,"

"And what exactly is that?"

"The whole, 'I'm a bad ass and drink everywhere I go. I can kick your ass if I wanted to' image. Your music screams something totally different," the man pointed out.

"Well then, would you look at that. At least one person is catching on to that then," Jude said under her breath, but loud enough for him to hear as she walked towards one of the racks of records.

"Ok, now you've lost me. What are you talking about? Isn't that your way of attracting your fans? Being a wannabe and then making them buy some music that's really just about a mature teenager who just grew up in the course of one year?"

"You need to get your facts straight. As does a lot of music fans who are on the outside looking in. What is shown in tabloids and magazines of me, are lies. I do not party, I do not kick people's asses, and I sure as hell don't want to be a bad ass. When I got into this business, all I wanted to do was make great music that could change people's lives. But I had no idea I'd pay this big of a price. Now, you want to know how real musicians are, listen to their music. Well, the ones who write their own music, and then you'll know who they are," Jude explained pointedly and started to rummage through the racks of records.

The young man was startled with what he had heard. His whole life he knew the industry could force people into what they wanted their audience to believe, but he had always thought there was say between the artist and the industry. Now he had just been proved wrong.

"Sorry for judging you like that," he murmured leaning against the end of the rack.

"You were just feeding off the lies the media tells you, it's not your fault," Jude added still flipping through more records.

"Well, after that lovely discussion, I guess I'll go employee customer on you and ask, can I help you with anything?" he asked a little stupidly.

"Oh man! You guys have this record!? My-" Jude stopped herself mid-sentence at the sound of dad coming out of her mouth. She knew he was her Dad, he did indeed raise her. But it was just so weird thinking how someone who knew her so well, wasn't her actual biological dad.

"Your what?" the man asked looking at the record.

"My um, my dad has been looking for this record ever since I can remember. It's not very common where I live," Jude said holding the record and admiring it a bit more.

"Oh well, it's not common here either. That's the first time I had ever seen that record before, first time it's ever been in this store. But wow, that's quite a price for it," he mentioned.

"I gotta get this for him. He's gonna be so excited that he could add this to his collection," Jude said walking over to the counter. She paid and the two said goodbye and Jude left. Even though the two cleared whatever it was up, she didn't want to stay in there much longer. Jude walked down a couple more streets, watching as everyone either walked in a group or pair.

_There was never a time I had felt so alone. Not even when Tommy had left. When Tommy left, I had known even then that at least I would still be me. Now, walking down those streets, I felt as if even what used to be me is gone. I felt like a shell of who I used to be. There was no way everything could be the way it was. Now with so much that has happened, with Tommy gone, and me finding out what I had known about myself was a lie, there was no way I could find someone who had related to me._

Jude sat down on a bench in front of a small cafe. She heard the small pats of when the human palm hits the drums, and the acoustic guitar jump from chord to chord making smooth transitions. The voice that held the words and brought the ears of the people who weren't so intuned with music had molded in with the beautiful sounds. Jude walked towards the entrance and stood at it for a moment and watched as the young woman sang her song.

_I hadn't ever heard something so beautiful. It wasn't my style of music, but it hit a nerve in a me. It was such a pretty song. I couldn't help but fall in with the music and feel as if it had always been missing. _

_"It doesn't matter what I want_

_It doesn't matter what I need_

_It doesn't matter if I cry_

_Don't matter if I bleed_

_Feel the sting of tears_

_Falling on this space you left_

_For years..."_

The song ended and the whole cafe applauded as the young woman bowed and left the stage. She walked up to the counter and grabbed a cup of coffee and then was headed for the door, with her notebook tight in her arms and her guitar strapped on her back.

"Hey!" Jude said to her just before she was about to walk right past her.

"Um, yeah?" the woman said confused.

"I uh, I wanted to say that was great, your song in there. Are you with a label?" Jude asked not sure what she hoped her response would be.

"I'm not into the whole label thing," the woman responded, immediately thinking Jude was trying to offer her a deal.

"Oh, I'm not a record representative or anything. I was just hoping where I could get that song you played tonight. I really liked it and was hoping I could put it on my ipod," Jude explained.

"Oh, here," she said reaching into her bag and pulling out a copy of her music. "It's got about 10 songs of mine on there. Track 3 is 'It Doesn't Matter', the song I just played,"

"Thanks, I hope you have a good night," Jude said turning to walk away before the woman stopped her.

"Tara Reynolds," she said holding out her hand.

"Jude Harrison," Jude replied shaking her hand.

"Jude Harrison, huh? Instant star. How's that going for ya?" she asked.

"Can't say I'm ecstatic, record labels can be a pain in the ass," Jude replied as the two walked down the street.

"Yeah they can, gotta say though, don't take this the wrong way, I am not your biggest fan," Tara admitted bluntly.

"Eh, that's ok. Can't please everyone," Jude added kicking a rock that was in her way.

"Ah, you're not like all those wannabe artists who HAVE to please everybody," Tara stated.

"Nope, I'm me, don't like it, don't by my cd. Simple as that," Jude remarked shoving her hands in her pockets.

"You lost your music didn't you?" Tara asked with a know-it-all grin.

"Are you a mind reader or something?" Jude asked with a laugh at the end.

"Nope, but I've been playing around the cafe's and open mics around here for a while to know a beginner, amateur, and pro. You Miss Harrison, are on the brink of goin' pro," Tara remarked.

"What do you mean? I won Instant Star, I was better than everyone there," Jude mentioned now becoming confused.

"Well duh, you did more than just shake your ass and sing three notes. But that's not what a pro does. A pro breaks through all the forces blocking that thing deep down in you that's holding you back. Once you get there, and face what's holdin' you back, you can write freely. You're facin' that thing right now," Tara explained pointing to Jude's heart.

"So you're a pro?" Jude said with an eye brow raised.

"Well, I'm not a self-proclaiming one who's conceited. But with what everyone's responses are, to all the deals I've been offered, and still get offered, I can't say I'm an amateur," Tara said in a not-to-brag tone.

"Nice, so why don't you sign on with a label?" Jude asked curiously.

"I don't wanna be tied down. I get what you're trying to do, get your voice out there, do what you love and what not. But I'd rather just play small places around here, get paid when I need it, and then write what I want when I want," Tara answered.

"Makes sense," Jude stated.

"So what are you doing down here in Ohio? Don't you have some promotional tour to do or something?"

"Yeah, but stuff came up. Had to get out of there, figure shit out," Jude said as they turned a corner.

"Big family shocker, or huge revelation?"

"Both, and throw in an MIA producer," Jude added.

"Ouch, good luck with that. Where are ya headed?"

"California. I know, I'm crazy for driving, but I thought it'd buy me more time," Jude explained.

"Yeah, I understand that. Well, I'm gonna head home, I'm that way," Tara said pointing to the direction opposite of Jude.

"Alright, oh hey," Jude said grabbing a piece of paper from her notebook and scribbling down her address and email. "Write any new songs, mail me the cd or email the tracks to me,"

"Heh, alright, will do. If you're ever in town again, we should record a track,"

"I'll take you up on that, see ya," Jude said as she started to walk away.


	5. Chapter 5

After another few days of driving and stopping here and there for food, a little shopping, and relaxation, Jude found herself just entering Texas. Jude looked at the map with a frustrated expression and finally tossed it down onto the passenger seat and pulled over to what appeared to be an old farm. The farm was that barn house red in those traditional farm like movie ways. Jude got out of her car and walked right up to the man who was just getting off his lawn mower.

"Ow meh I elp ya lil' laday?" said the farmer lifting his hat slightly in acknowledgement and chewing on a piece of wheat.

"Um, I'm not from around here. Do you think you could point me in the direction of Amarillo?" Jude asked putting her hand over her eyes to shield out the sun.

"Hahaha, Amarillo! Why, das da smalles town round' these here pahts! Was' en Amarillo!?" exclaimed the farmer.

"Oh, I'm just trying to stay away from too big of any cities,"

"Hahaha, 'Could ya poin' meh en da direcshun uf Amarillo?' The farmer mocked Jude with great enthusiasm and giddiness.

"Heh, yeah, that's what I asked. Do you happen to know what direction it's in?"

"Jus' keep followin' dis 'ere road down souf an' you'll spawt et ow' righ' 'way," said the farmer with a chuckle and a wide toothless smile.

"Uh, yes, thanks a lot," Jude said with a weary yet thankful smile.

"'Could ya poin' meh en da direcshun uf Amarillo? Hahaha, da' wun's goin' en mah blawg!!" the farmer laughed all the way back to his lawn mower

Jude quickly got back into her car and drove away. "Creepiest guy ever."

_So, I pretty much just had the oddest encounter with an American EVER. It was this farmer dude, and he was laughing because I wanted to go to Amarillo. Ok, I know, not the best place in Texas to wanna go to, but hey, I don't exactly want everything that I'm doing in the tabloids now, do I? But seriously, is there something funny about a teenage girl wanting directions? I'm not really sure what it is exactly I'm looking for. Now that I'm still driving, and that I'm already almost to California, I feel like I've wasted a bunch of gas, but then again, when I think back on it, it gave me the time I needed to allow all this to sink in. I mean, I'm definitely in a more, steady state to deal with whatever is in store for me in California, not to mention, I've finally come to terms with the whole Tommy ordeal. I mean, now that I had my chance to practically be in a position that could possibly be just as similar to Tommy's, I understand why he had to leave so suddenly. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do miss him a lot and am still slightly angry for not returning any of my 126 phone calls I made that night, but I have this new understanding of him. _

The usual routine was exactly what Jude had done in Texas. She stopped at a local inn for the night, spent about an hour of the day buying a gift for everyone, and then sleeping the night away until the early hours of the morning. Just as the sun began to shine it's rays over the horizon, Jude checked out of the inn and was now on her way to her next destination; Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Tommy was sitting on a park bench, watching his little sister play in the sandbox with all the other toddlers. He had been in Montana for only a little over a month, but he had already decided that soon he would have to return to Toronto. The only problem was, he wasn't sure if Alicia would be ok with leaving the states. He continued to watch her when a young woman took a seat next to him on the bench.

"Which one's yours?" she asked sincerely.

"Oh, I'm not a father. The one with the dark brown curly hair, she's my little sister," Tommy nodded towards Alicia who was shoveling sand out of a hole.

"Your parents are bi-racial? You look completely French to me," the women said leaning back.

"We're adopted. And I don't think our race has anything to do with it," Tommy said slightly pointedly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Mine is the one with the Bob the Builder shirt. I swear, ever since that show came out there's no way to pull him away from anything that's related to dirt," the woman and Tommy both chuckled and smiled at the comment.

"Alicia loves the Disney princesses, or heroines for that matter. I didn't even know about Alicia until a month ago," Tommy looked down for a moment and then to the woman for the first time. She was an attractive woman. Nothing special, but she was attractive.

"Was she just recently adopted?"

"About two years ago. I was out of town and I guess my mom didn't know a way to contact me. Anyways, it was nice talking to you-"

"Rachel, and you-"

"Tommy. Alicia and I gotta get going, but it was nice to meet you," Tommy said shaking her hand as Alicia noticed Tommy getting up and quickly grabbed her toys and ran towards him.

Tommy took hold of Alicia's hand and together they walked off back towards their home. Tommy couldn't help but stay in deep thought. There were so many things clouding his mind. The grief of his mother's death, the responsibility of his new found little sister, and now the trouble with Jude which he couldn't help but blame himself for.

"Tommy?" Alicia looked up at her big brother in wonder.

"Yes Ally?" Tommy had given her that nickname just days before.

"Well, are we going to stay here forever or go back to that one place? That place where you came from," Ally said; waiting for his answer.

"Toronto? That depends," Tommy and Ally stopped walking for a moment and he knelt down so that he was face to face with the little girl, "Do you want to go to Toronto?"

Ally looked around for a moment. She may have been only four years old, but she was trying to remember if there would be anything keeping her in Montana. What was there left for the little girl? Just an empty home that held memories of a mother she never really had. Ally looked at Tommy, with a conclusion in her eyes.

"Is there parks with swings and play places in Tor-ON-to?" Ally asked, hope evident in her voice.

"Yes, there are many parks," Tommy said with a grin. Ally happily nodded yes, and Tommy hugged the little girl and the two walked home.

Sadie was sitting at her desk, taking messages and sending calls every where. Jamie approached her desk, something he now had done more often than before.

"You're a very determined dork, Andrews,"

"You know what happened, just tell me already Princess Prim and Proper,"

"For the 67th time since Jude left, no!" Sadie slammed the planner shut, grabbed her purse and started to walk away.

"Look! You've known me since Jude was just starting to crawl. I've basically been part of your family since then," Jamie ran in front of her, "You know that me and Jude have been best friends since forever. Why can't I know why she left?"

"Because I don't know who she wants to know, yet," Sadie snapped back. "If it were my choice, I'd have told you already,"

"Just, let me know if she's ok," Jamie's eyes filled with desperation at the thought of Jude in any other condition.

"She's fine. She calls every now and then to let us know she's alright," Sadie did her traditional eye roll.

"So she's not where she wants to be yet?" Jamie asked, slightly confused.

"No, she'll be there by the end of the week,"

"Is she answering her phone now?"

"Only if she feels like talking. Usually she just calls us to remind us she's alive and breathing. You can try to call her, but I'm not sure if she'll answer or not," Sadie added. "Can I go to lunch now?"

"Oh, yeah, thanks a lot Sadie,"

"No problem geekface,"

Jude was sitting outside at a table of a fast food restaurant, just eating her hamburger and french fries.

_Not nearly as good as the food in Pennsylvania...and the sun is so freakin' bright out here!!!_

Jude finished up, grabbed her garbage and threw it away and was yet again on her way again. Jude had done all the thinking she could possibly do on a cross country trip. Now, she was no longer dreading going to California, but anxious because she was so sick of driving.

_Ok, there should seriously be licenses for impulsive thinkers. And if there was, which there should be, I shouldn't even be able to take the test because my impulsive thinking has gotten me so sick of driving that I'm debating once I'm done with whatever I have to deal with in California, I'm going to fly the car back instead of driving. But I've gotta say, all this driving has done me some good. It got me thinkin straight, so now I can go to California not expecting anything and not hoping for anything too. Also, I know I'll be able to go back home and make the best of things there, hopefully try and put this past my family and go on living with this new truth. _

Several hours later, Jude arrived in Flagstaff, Arizona. When she had arrived, there was a little bit of snow fall, and Jude couldn't help but smile at it. She parked the car on the side of the road and got out and watched the small snow flakes fall onto her hand.

_ACTUAL SNOW IN ARIZONA!!!! WHO THE HELL HAS HEARD OF THIS!?!?!?! I FOR FRIKKIN SURE HAVEN'T!!!!!_

Jude laughed at this and grabbed her video camera and started to record this.

"Alright, guys, we have some shocking news. This is snow, and would you all like to know where I'm reporting this wonderful news from? Ohio? Pennsylvania? HELL NO! I'm in ARI-FRIKKIN-ZONA!!!" Jude went on filming a little more and rambling with it until she noticed the battery was about to die and signed off. Jude looked up at the sky for a little bit longer, took in a deep breath, and then got back into her car and started back on her way to California.

_I'm almost there, I'm only about 9 hours away from the place I was actually born. Only nine hours away from all that's left of my birth mother..._

Jude drove right through Flagstaff, and through Sedona, but still taking a little time out of the drive to admire the bright red mountains. As she continued to drive, she stopped in Phoenix, just to buy a few supplies, some gum, snacks, water bottles, tooth paste, and some other necessities. As Jude continued to drive, she realized the huge weather difference between Phoenix and Flagstaff, and noticed that while it snowed in Flagstaff, Jude could live with a small sweater in Phoenix.

Just as Jude was pulling out into the road, her phone started to ring. She let it ring until she was going straight before she had finally decided to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Harrison! You've got some nerve making me wait this long," Jamie said sitting in the rehearsal space.

"Jamie?"

"Who else would be calling right now? Where are you?"

"Phoenix, AZ. How are things in Toronto?" Jude said pulling into the freeway as she drove down the 51 and headed towards California.

"I've gotta say Harrison, you've really got some people around here worried about you. I even got a call from Kat. For a pint size girl she really knows how to make someone feel bad for not keepin' tabs on you,"

"Heh, so Kat still does worry. How did she even find out I was gone?"

"Well, she noticed you weren't in Physics failing the tests so, I think that was a sign,"

"Hah, thanks, you really know how to make a girl feel great Jamester," Jude said, holding the steering wheel with her right hand and the phone with her left.

"Well you know me, the girls can't stay away from my dashing looks and unresistable charm," Jamie added, a small temporary silence followed and Jamie spoke again. "So, are you driving or what?"

"Yep, about five in a half hours away from California," Jude responded.

"Would it be too much if I asked why exactly you're heading to California?"

"Sadie didn't tell you?"

"No! I told her she should've just told me instead of keeping me in the dark mildly dying!"

"Haha, that's Sades for ya. Well, I guess I should start explainin then..."

_If you put aside the fact that Jamie screamed like a girl, almost fainted, and was quiet for a couple minutes, resulting in me hanging up, only for him to call back and say "I'm not done being quiet!" and then concluding his train of silence, Jamie took the news very well. Ok that's a stretched out lie. He was almost worse than me, and I'm the adopted one! But that's Jamie, even though he's not experiencing it first hand, he knows exactly how to mirror my emotions of the situation. _

Jamie and Jude got off the phone and Jude kept her eyes on the road. By now, Jude was watching the sun beginning to set, and couldn't remember when she had seen such a beautiful sunset. She was halfway there to California, and Jude couldn't remember the last time she had felt so nervous. Her first ever performance in front of the entire school, nope, first performance on Instant Star, nope, her last and victory performance on Instant Star, not even close.

"_**Don't know what I was looking for when I went home, I found me alone  
And sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be all right. What's on your mind?"  
But the water's shallow here and I am full of fear, and empty handed after two long years…"**_

The song playing perfectly mirrored how Jude was feeling. The last two years had been great, but she had lost all that she should have been able to keep as sentimental memories. Tommy came and went, her first album tanked, and even though her second album was on top of the charts, she felt empty without having her producer there to celebrate with.

_What am I expecting to find when I get there? Am I looking for answers to everything? Am I subconsciously searching for the mother that I know won't be there to welcome me in with open arms? What is it that I want when I actually reach my 'house'? _

Hours had passed with these thoughts clouding Jude's mind as she realized she was now in Anaheim, only about 45 minutes away from Long Beach. Jude was so close to where everything started that she almost felt like she could taste it. She flew passed the road signs, the white lines, and the many cars that were around her, she hadn't realized it until she was seeing the city limit sign.

_**Welcome to Long Beach**_

_**Please Enjoy Your Stay!!**_

She was home.

Back where everything started. Jude couldn't believe that she had really made it all this way. There was something about that moment where Jude just felt the need to pull over and sit for a moment. She needed to think of what was going to happen next.

_Okay, so it turns out I'm now actually in Long Beach. But, what do I do now? I know that I gotta head to my house, and sort out all that stuff, but….then what? Should I stay there for a few days or what? Oh man, there's just so much that could happen once I get there. It could completely deserted with just everything everywhere, or someone could actually be there waiting for me. I really hope it's the latter, it would be just way too weird being surrounded by my 'mother's' stuff and not know what to do with it._


	6. hiatus

**OFFICIAL HIATUS!**

Unfortunately I have the bad news that this story is on a hiatus. I do have ideas for this story, but I am unsure on how to get out right now. Due to the challenge this story has given me, I'm putting it on hiatus until I can actually write something decent to add and further the plot.

On a happier note though, thanks to the way season three has turned out, I've started another fanfic (I know, shame on me for starting another project before finishing my other two) but it had been in the back of my mind for a while and a certain band has been inspiring me for this particular plot.

I sincerely apologize for having to put this story on hiatus. In all honesty, I am unsure whether it will be soon for me to finish this story. Until then, I am truly sorry to have to put this story on an indefinite hiatus. 


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